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not that we've got more than the barest amount above jack shit done or anything, but you know

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spring cleaning is a motherfucker but the place sure is looking a lot nicer than it did when we got up

moth, insect 

held a luna moth! it shivered in my hand, probably to warm up its wing muscles to fly away from me

see, it's like, urethane and urethra are pretty similar words, so what if we put them together, and we ended up on polyurethrane, which is sort of english style dog latin for "having multiple urethras",

real 420 toots except we gave that up when it started making us pass out so there is really no excuse to be made for our nonsense hours, whomst up

fast food employee: oh, sorry, our registers aren't working right now. we do have cashiers at the temporary station just out those doors though
me: cash me outside how bou dat

bodily function related vulgarity 

diarrhea may, as the oft quoted advertisement would have it, "[be] like a storm raging inside you", but the Trots-Runs-Gallopin' Shits Scale of Colonic Dismay remains one of redneck english's great unintentional contributions to folk science. in this essay,

on reflection, this isn't really about coffee

coffee's not the problem, the problem is capitalism ruining everything it touches

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why do we drink coffee? because we're addicted to caffeine

why are we addicted to caffeine? because it helps us do more work faster and better

why is it important to do more work faster and better? because we live in a capitalist hell world and the more work you do, the faster and better, the more likely you will continue to be permitted to live

fuck coffee. coffee is a cop

*makes coffee*

awake for two hours and haven't gone downstairs or made coffee yet, they're gonna just be bad toots this morning

kink (?????) fiction, comedic short story riffing on fetish situations 

story cws: sexual content, kink content, BDSM content, chemical arousal, a slightly-gross anecdote, a slightly-gross antidote

I have no good excuse for this beyond "I thought it was funny." Please read and enjoy.

in case anyone needs some encouragement today or this week: its okay to suck and not do shit right. like, you're literally a person hurtling through the cosmos on a weird rock and on the level, everyone is fucking up, all the time. people that look perfect just fuck up quieter. they're a fucking mess but not proud enough to claim it.

perfectionism is a tool of capitalism. fucking up and just owning to fucking up is punk as shit. be a loser today and come out swinging when you feel better.

@compufox fun biology fact: this is what butterflies have! they have taste buds on their feets so they can tell if leafs are good for their caterpillars to eat

how the hell did a great name like "alienoptera" get used up on an extinct order that nobody knows anything about

taxonomists get a sense of style and drama challenge 2kalways

OCR Output (chars: 319) 

Jon Acuff @​

Is there an emoji for, "I Saw your text
but didn't know how to perfectly
respond to it so I waited until I knew
exactly what to say but it's been
three weeks so now I just feel
microbursts of shame every time I
see your name in the elephant
graveyard of messages on my

doctor who's politics are wild because it bounces back and forth between "capitalism is humanity's greatest mistake" and "what if communists were evil psychics" with absolutely zero self-reflection

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masto instance for the tildeverse