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Melyanna boosted
Melyanna boosted

Today felt productive as I did some art and planted a couple of seeds in my digital garden

Guess who doesn't need another project, yet just made a Digital Garden?

I love how the day I got enough rest, exercised, ate well and hydrated properly I also got stomach aches and reflux.
Is my body telling me I should go back to working 8am to 9pm, with a diet of coffee and ice-cream?

I worked so hard the past month and it went so fast!

I was so tired I slept all day yesterday

I have been away for a few days because work got intense

And by "feeling wrong" I mean that I basically feel like a failure, not fitting anywhere, not going anywhere.

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Being a perfectionist without really excelling in anything is tough.
Especially when you already feel sad 99% of the time.
Also, I feel like I can't get anything right lately and me projecting my insecurities on everyone and in any situation is feeding a vicious cycle where I keep feeling more and more like I am wrong.

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I feel like I should channel this anger/sadness/anxiety and do something with it (exercise? Paint?) but I am too tired for that, and I know that getting mediocre results would make things worse.
I wasn't programmed for doing things just because they are pleasant even if the result isn't perfect.

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Haven't checked in the past few days.
I am having a bit of a shite day.
Trying to keep myself above the surface but I feel like I am being dragged down.
It's life, I guess.
I should probably look a bit more at what I have that I am taking for granted and focus less on what I wish I had but keeps dissolving when I think I have it in my hands.
It's just kind of hard to put that in practice when I am feeling so emotional.

Me, at 9PM, finishing all the stuff I have to do before the day ends: "I am so tired! I could sleep now".
Me, in bed, a couple of hours later:"Hello anxiety! Hello increased brain activity! What is even sleep?".

I am not very good at figuring out when people have negative feelings about me, or when they are OK with me and I am just projecting my own insecurities on them.
In fact, I am really terrible at this. I wonder where this comes from and if it's something I can still fix (given I am OLD).

It *is* a pretty efficient alarm clock though...

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Every day at 6.30 am this crow comes by my window and proceeds to scream its lungs out and scare the shit out of me, then it happily flaps away.

Is it bad that I am using Urban Dictionary even when I need a regular dictionary?

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